A Hopeful Message For HSPs

April Snow 0:00

I hope that readers first see themselves on the page. I hope you listeners see yourself on the page where you know that you're not alone, that your experience is understandable, it makes sense, other people are living and experiencing what you're experiencing, that there's nothing wrong with you, that sensitivity is real. And I hope that you can take that awareness, folding that into a sense of trust within yourself, and then using it to propel you and give yourself permission to live at least a little bit differently. Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author April Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP without all the overwhelm. Today's episode is part one of a two-part series where I take you behind the scenes of my new book, Bake Failings Big Joy, which will be out in the US, the UK, and many other places on October 6th from Harper One, which is an imprint of HarperCollins. And I'm going to be introducing you to some of the key people who helped bring this book into the world, from the earliest stages of the proposal all the way to publication day. They're going to be sharing some of their thoughts about the book, working with me, and asking me some questions. So you're going to hear from Megan Stevenson, who's a former editor at a Big

What The Two Part Series Is

April Snow 1:41

Five Publisher, and the Proposal Collaborator. You're going to hear from Nina Shield, who's the vice president and editorial director for Harper One, also my editor. Julie Massao, who was an independent editor I worked with, and a fellow HSP. Stephanie Moon, who's my book marketing strategist, both at Harper One, and she also works independently. Then we have Dorothy Meyer, an old friend from college and an independent bookseller in New Jersey at Ren's Coffee House and Books, also a fellow HSP. And then we have Megan Meginson, a licensed highly sensitive therapist and a business mentor. And finally, Brian Torres, also a licensed highly sensitive therapist and a fellow HSP nerd. And just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Let's dive in.

The Nonfiction Proposal Explained

April Snow 3:23

So for nonfiction, this is what you would submit when you're trying to sell a book. Whereas if you're writing fiction, you would submit your whole manuscript. Let's see what Megan has to say.

Meghan Stevenson 3:33

When April first reached out to work with me, I was really excited. We had a fellow friend and colleague and author in common, the lovely Melody Wilding. And I just really loved her approach to working with HSPs. April is such a grounded person, and I think she brings a lot of thoughtfulness and care to the work she does and honestly her whole life. My question for you, April, would be: what is the loveliest, biggest impact that you could imagine for your book? And how do you see that happening out in the world? A lot of my authors that I work with talk about impact and the fact that they want their book to make a huge impact. But a lot of times we don't put that into a really felt sense, a really descriptive moment. And I would love to hear what you think that is, whether that is an a reader, you know, really seeing themselves in the pages or taking action on the advice or simply, you know, feeling hurt in a way that they haven't before, or maybe even just like bragging about the book on Reddit. So I would love to hear your perspective on the impact that you hope your book makes in a visceral, emotional, experiential way.

April Snow 4:58

I

The Impact April Wants Readers Feel

April Snow 4:59

definitely hope that my book makes an impact, not just for the folks who are just discovering that they're highly sensitive, but also for people who have known that they're highly sensitive for years. And from a larger perspective, I really hope that Big Feelings, Big Joy carries the education of sensitivity, carries the awareness, builds upon Dr. Lane Aaron's work and highlights sensitivity in our present-day world. But on an individual scale, I hope that readers first see themselves on the page. I hope you listeners see yourself on the page where you know that you're not alone, that your experience is understandable, it makes sense, other people are living and experiencing what you're experiencing, that there's nothing wrong with you, that sensitivity is real, it's something you were born with. And I hope that you can take that awareness, folding that into a sense of trust within yourself, and then using it to propel you and give yourself permission to live at least a little bit differently. Live a little bit more slowly, take a little bit more care of yourself, pause to notice the bright spots, the joys, and let those fill you up in a way that maybe you haven't before. And in the book, I give really specific tools. So nervous system practices to help you tackle your overwhelm scripts so you know what to say when you're explaining your sensitivity to others or you're setting a difficult boundary, or even just talking to yourself when feelings of guilt or self-doubt come up. And then lots of ways that you can live a little bit differently as an HSP. You'll see those worked into stories, but also you'll see very specific examples and exercises. So it's a book that you can read like a story, but also that you can use to build your toolbox. So I hope the impact is practical, but also hopeful, or you're walking away with a different understanding of yourself, but also you actually have the resources and the tangible steps to make those changes. So you can really embrace the gifts of being sensitive, that you can move out from underneath the cloud of overwhelm or the difficult parts where you're experiencing more of the bright spots of sensitivity, your intuition and your creativity and feeling your positive emotions really deeply and being creative and empathetic, you know, all the best parts. So I really hope that it leaves an impression on you.

Agents And Landing With Harper One

April Snow 7:41

So once my nonfiction proposal was finished, Megan helped me put all the pieces together. And then we started to look for agents. So when you're getting a book published with a major publisher, they don't deal with the author directly, they deal with the literary agent who negotiates the terms and helps you find the right fit. So I was very excited that Megan introduced me to Jan Baummer and Steve Troja at Folio Literary Management. They really were excited about the book. They understood the importance of it, and they're just nice people. They've been so supportive throughout this process. And so it felt like a good fit right away. Like I had known them for a long time. And so then we started the process of sending the proposal out to different publishing companies. And we landed with Harper One, which is underneath HarperCollins. And the editor that I'm working with is Nina Shield. Nina is both the vice president and the editorial director at Harper One. And really from the start got the importance of the little details about the book. So I was really excited to pair with her. So let's hear what Nina has to say.

Why The Book Matters Now

Nina Shield 8:57

I was so excited when this project came across my desk because I am surrounded by HSPs. I say lovingly, this book helped me understand my husband and his specific needs for rest and recuperation. It helped me understand how best to approach my children's big feelings. And whenever I mentioned it to a colleague, the response was either I'm an HSP or my wife is an HSP or another point of connection. My question for you, April, is why this book now? Who did you write this for? And what need had you observed in both your work and your personal life?

April Snow 9:32

I'd say there's two answers to that question: why this book now. There's the personal answer, which is I had a lot to say. I've put out a few workbooks. I've been working with HSP clients for more than a decade. And I'm so grateful to be in so many other HSP spaces within my community and workshops and online. And so I realized that I had built up a lot of resources and tools and experiences that I wanted to share. And on a more global level, I think we're due for a highly sensitive person book. It's been nearly 30 years since The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine Aaron was published. And we need an updated guide for living well as a highly sensitive person. So there were probably four or five points that I wanted to make sure that I brought forward in this book that I had observed a need around. One is talking about the sensitive nervous system with the information and the resources we have now and looking at what tools actually work for us, you know, as we have more finely tuned nervous systems and how we're so easily overstimulated, but especially with the world that we live in, with the amount of screen time and expectation to be available. So I wanted to talk about that aspect of living as HSPs and what we can do to feel balanced and tame that overwhelm. And I wanted to bring in more diverse stories. You know, I also wrote this for the HSP who maybe hasn't seen themselves in HSP communities or on the pages of HSP books. I wanted to bring in a wide variety of different ages and backgrounds and races and sexual orientations because there are so many variations in the HSP community. I wanted that to be more representative on the page. And, you know, we hear a lot of negativity from HSPs themselves who are maybe struggling, but also people who misunderstand sensitivity and have a lot of misperceptions about it, you know, that they miscategorize sensitivity as emotional reactivity or fragility. And I wanted to widen that conversation to highlight, well, first to validate what's difficult, but then to highlight when we are living well, you know, we are well resourced, what's possible for us? You know, what are the gifts? The fact that we can use those little moments of joy to bolster us against stress is quite miraculous. And when we lean into that more, we can really use it to bolster us and propel us in our lives. And so I wanted to show the full range of the HSP experience. And then lastly, just making sure that this book was hopeful and inspirational, but also practical and you know, bringing in a wide variety of tools. So this book really is written for HSPs of any stage of their discovery process at, you know, at any age. I think there is something for everyone. But mostly I just wanted an updated guide for us as HSPs.

Editing Support And Writing Surprises

April Snow 12:32

So, in addition to working with Nina on the book, I also hired an independent editor, Julie Massau, because I wanted a fellow HSP just to have another set of eyes and be able to bounce ideas off of someone who has a lived experience around sensitivity. So that's where Julie came in. And she really helped me look at the little details while also holding the big picture because creating and writing a book, there's a lot of mental work there, just making sure the chapters are in the right order and the examples are detailed enough. And we're covering a wide variety of stories and just holding all the pieces at once. Julie was such a great support in doing that. So let's listen to what Julie had to share.

Julie Mosow 13:17

From the moment I met April, I knew I wanted to be part of this project. She's warm and caring in exactly the way you'd expect from a therapist who sees highly sensitive people, but she's also funny and self-aware, which made working on big feelings, big joy a lot of fun. One thing I've learned from spending time with April is that she genuinely wants to help every HSP build a rich, interesting life, no matter what that looks like. I learned so much I didn't know about the science of sensitivity, and researching and writing about how other HSPs navigate their lives gave me a lot of ideas from my own. Over and over again, I had moments of recognition that made me think, oh, this isn't just me. And I hope readers will feel the same and know that they're not alone in the world. I really can't wait for people to read the book. Since I learned so much about myself during my collaboration with April, if I could ask her anything, I'd ask what she learned about herself during this process, and what, if anything, surprised her most about the experience of writing this book. It's such an honor to know April, to work with her, and I cannot wait for other people to see what she's done. I think it will be really meaningful and it can change a lot of lives.

April Snow 14:37

Yeah, writing a book, there's a lot of introspection. So not just looking at my own experiences as a sensitive person, but also a sensitive therapist and person in community and realizing just how many HSPs I've had the fortune to connect with over the years, or over the last 10 to 12 plus years. And so that that surprised me and delighted me of just what a big community I have and how much I have to say about high sensitivity. But along the way, you know, I had hoped that, or had maybe fantasized that when I'm writing this book, that, you know, the rest of life will stop, that I'll get just to be in this beautiful book bubble and just focus on my writing and everything else will just hit pause and respect that process because being able to write this book is it's a privilege. Not everyone gets to write a book. And I've had a lot of experiences that I was able to pour into this book. I was grateful for that. But I I realized that, you know, life keeps going and there are some challenges that came up. So it really taught me how resilient I am. You know, I saw clients and I wrote this book and I did the rest of life and connected with family and friends, and I kept going. I showed up most days at my computer or at the library or with my notes and just kept showing up. And three and a half years later, this book is now in print and you'll be able to hold it, which is a pretty phenomenal experience. So I learned just about my sense of patience in that process, my sense of resilience to do something that is complex and requires a lot of sitting with yourself and receiving feedback that's not always easy to receive, you know, that something needs to be better, or you need to put this chapter in a different place, or you know, your point's not coming across in the way that you want it to. And so I just kept showing up and editing and making it better. And so, yeah, I guess that surprised me in a way that, oh, I'm able to do really hard things, even as a highly sensitive person. And I made it through. And, you know, I just kept coming back to the tools that I used in the book, using my tending practices to regulate my nervous system and finding my anchors of familiarity to make sure I had routines in place where I wasn't making those little decisions all the time. I had most things on autopilot. And I reached out for help in a way that I never had before, not just with having Julie come on board to support me in the process, but having Jess, my assistant, and you know, asking my wife for more support and all the people around me. So that was also a nice lesson in learning to be cared for in a really deep way, the way that I care for others.

Production And The Hidden Team

April Snow 17:36

So I mentioned that this particular book has been a three and a half year process. So that first year was spent writing the proposal, and then the next year was spent writing the book, doing some light editing, or maybe some more than light editing. And then it moves into what we call production, where it gets edited again. You see more eyes on it, and you lay the book out and figure out how the page is going to look and create the cover. And there's so many people that work behind the scenes on the book. It's given me a much deeper appreciation for every single book on my bookshelf and just knowing what these authors have gone through. It's a labor of love. They've poured their heart and soul into it. They've spent at least a year or two of their lives on this book. So I just have a lot of gratitude for everyone that's helped me bring this book into the world and made it what it is, because my name is on the cover, but there's so many people that are standing behind me. And so once the book is written, it's edited, the cover is created, it's laid out, and then we start thinking about okay, now the book is gonna make its way out into the world. We have to market the book, help it find its way into bookstores and into readers' hands like you. So one person that played an important role in that process is Stephanie Moon, who is a book marketing strategist. She works at Harper One, but also worked with authors independently and was a great resource, was a great support in helping me think how I could spread the word and get this book to HSPs. Because I saw this as an opportunity to spread the message about high sensitivity even more by getting this book out into the world. So let's hear what Stephanie had to share.

Stephanie Moon 19:23

Reading

Helping Sensitive Kids Try New Things

Stephanie Moon 19:24

your book, especially the part talking about kids, showed me that my kiddo is probably a highly sensitive person. He gets easily overwhelmed in crowds, loud noises really bother him, and he really needs his downtime to recharge. Reading your book really opened my eyes to how I could better support him. So my question is, how do I respect and support him being an HSP while also getting him used to getting out of his comfort zone? How do I show him that new experiences do not necessarily have to be bad or scary, and that experiencing something new can be really fun? New activities, summer camps, vacation locations, etc., can be difficult for him. He doesn't display that much interest and feels very closed off about the situation. How can I show him that sometimes not knowing is okay and fun?

April Snow 20:08

One of the most rewarding parts of writing this book leading up to publication was getting to hear from folks working on the book that they realized, oh, either I'm highly sensitive or someone I love and care about is highly sensitive. And now I am understanding them a little bit more. And Stephanie being one of them and getting out of your comfort zone is something I certainly learned a lot about during this process. And it did leave me thinking about my younger self, who funnily enough, never wanted to be out front. You know, I can remember in college not wanting to take classes that I was really interested in because there was a lot of group work or presentations and I was worried about feeling anxious. And then 10 years later, I'm in graduate school, and these same things still make me feel uncomfortable, but I was able to stretch myself more. I did so many, you know, like breaking the ice questions and exercises in front of the class and in small groups, all the things that I dreaded and avoided in my late teens, early 20s. Here I was throwing myself in the middle of that because I wanted to become a therapist. And I wanted to become a therapist studying integral counseling psychology, not the I didn't want to go the traditional route. I wanted something more holistic that looked at the whole person. And so I chose this program that was more outside the box. And now, you know, another 10 years later, and here I am out front sharing this book, doing a lot of interviews and meeting people I don't know and really needing to stretch myself. I think my younger self would be really surprised, but also proud. I know I am proud of myself for stretching myself in this way. So for highly Sensitive kids, or even just for your own inner child, you want to find that balance of respecting their timeline while also encouraging new experiences, knowing that they're going to get there. It just might take them a little bit longer, or they might need to do it in a different way, or they might need to pause and talk about their feelings for a little while first to help them get warmed up to it. So, as much as possible, creating some familiarity in advance to help ease that anxiety. You know, maybe let's say visiting a classroom ahead of the first day of school. And thankfully that's becoming more commonplace now. Or let's say they're having their first sleepover. Can we get a play date on the books before that night, right? So they can get used to the space and the parents and the people there and the pets, whoever's in the house. And, you know, at the same time, as you're encouraging them to try new things and helping them do that, honoring their capacity. Try to incorporate new experiences periodically, not all the time. And if possible, sandwiching them between familiar routines. You know, maybe we don't expect them to go to summer camp as soon as you come off a family vacation, for example, or do that sleep over the first week of school. Maybe you wait a month or two. You know, let them ease into it a little bit more. And as their anxieties and their worries come up, don't take that as a sign that they can't do it or you need to fix it, but validating their emotions. I hear you, I understand. That sounds, that sounds really worrisome. I can tell you're scared. And then create a safety plan together. If they do get overwhelmed or they start to feel like they have to leave. So that might be tools that they can reach through on their own, all the way up to kind of an escape hatch where if they need to come home early or they need to make a different choice. Because in my own experience, I'm way more likely to push through a little bit, to sit on the edge of my comfort zone if I have an out. So if I know I'm not trapped, if I know I won't get in trouble if I change my mind, I'm much more likely to stay or to try something new. So that acceptance, it bolsters, it feeds safety, it feeds regulation where fear leads to more overstimulation and dysregulation. So just creating a little bit more space, slowing things down can go a long way. That's definitely something I've learned for myself throughout this process too. So once all that work is done behind the scenes for the book around marketing and reaching out to bookstores and putting it in all the online channels, then we actually get to see it in a store.

Deadlines, Downtime, And Counterbalance

April Snow 24:43

So the next question comes from Dorothy Meyer, who is one of my older friends from college. We both love books so much. We often are texting each other book recommendations or asking about books. And Dorothy is now an independent bookseller in New Jersey at Wren's Coffee House and Books, where I'll be doing a talk in November, if you're in the area. And so let's hear what my fellow HSP friend has to say.

Dorothy Meyer 25:09

I was just so delighted to hear that you were writing this book and excited for its publication, mainly because I'm a fellow highly sensitive person. I've been following your work for a long time, but also because I love personal development books. I read them, eat them up like candy. I love a book that presents kind of a check list or a guideline on how to approach things, which is exactly what this is. I have two questions. So the first question is just around your writing process. And I'm curious, how did you manage all of the deadlines and everything associated with writing a book like this? Knowing that as an HSP, you have a tendency to take on too much, or knowing that you need to protect your downtime and things like that. Like what was your process in managing the demands of the book publication versus the needs of yourself as an HSP?

April Snow 26:11

Writing a book definitely puts a lot of demands on your time and your mental capacity. So there were definitely adjustments I made to my life that made sure I didn't get burned out in the process because I was seeing clients and doing all the other things in my life at the same time as writing this book. So a big part of that is just doing things I already was doing, but kind of turning up the dial. So I tend to be someone who's pretty organized. And so when you spoke of deadlines, I think about myself having a big whiteboard in my office and mapping out all the due dates and breaking it down into smaller bite-sized steps. So instead of focusing on a whole chapter, I'll focus on one smaller section, for instance. And that really helped me not feel overwhelmed. I'm just focusing on the task in front of me while also knowing I laid out the bigger picture somewhere else. And I do the same thing in my day-to-day life. I have a big list of all my to-dos. And then I break that down and I have a smaller list for my week and then an even smaller list for my day. So I might even have just a post-it versus a whole Google Doc or project manager with everything else that needs to get done. And so I'm just zooming in and not getting overwhelmed. And so outside of that organization, just making sure when I'm actually doing the work that I'm not getting too overloaded. I'm making sure I'm taking breaks. So in my office, I made it easy to take care of myself. So I had a rebounder, I had my yoga mat laid out, had some fidget toys, you know, open window for sunshine. And so I would every hour get up, move my body, making sure that I'm taking a break. I have a few moments to process and just let my mind wander. And then every day getting out for a walk and then getting into bed early and just having a little bit of time for me. Because most days I was writing and also having other work to do. So the days were very full in a way that I don't know that I've ever experienced before. And so as I mentioned before, it definitely taught me a lot about my own resilience and what I'm capable of. And then another piece was, you know, getting body work and pulling in other people to support me in that process during that time. So delegating where I could, whether that be to my assistant or to getting the house cleaned, hiring someone to do that, or asking my wife for some more help around the house. Just, you know, leaning on the people that were there for me, and which really was a practice in letting go of some perfectionism. I tend to want to be in control. I'm an eldest daughter. Control is safety for me. And so it taught me that I don't have to have everything perfectly aligned and set up. And, you know, writing a book, there's a lot of edits and changes, and you learn to let things be a little bit more impermanent and fluid. So the book writing process was a great teacher in that. And so yeah, it really helped to get organized, to take care of myself in a very basic, routine way, simple things, walks, time in the sun, moving my body, regulating my nervous system, you know, a little breathing practice here or there, things like that. And then asking for help and letting go of perfect. Yeah. Something that I often will say to myself and with therapists that I've worked with is, you know, done is better than perfect. So better to get our notes done than have them be perfect. And you could apply that to anything in your life. But yeah, it's really about just making sure that we have the basics set up for ourselves and can actually do a lot. You know, in the book, I asked that question: where's the counterbalance? Which is something I ask in my own life all the time. Like I'm gonna do a lot because I love my work and I love to connect with family and friends, and I like to have experiences out in the world. And I'm gonna do all that, but I'm gonna pair it with some downtime, with some rest, with you know, a whole weekend at home or at least a day at home where I hang out and I read and I putter around. So it's really all about having that counterbalance and you can do a lot as an HSP. So let's hear Dorothy's second question.

Dorothy Meyer 30:21

My other question is just around, I noticed how many times you brought up your grandmother in the book. And I really was curious if you could just speak more on sort of her influence in your life or her influence when it came to actually sitting down and writing this particular book, because it really did strike me how often she came up and kind of in a warming way. So I appreciated that and I'd love to hear more about

Grandmother Wisdom And Feeling Seen

Dorothy Meyer 30:48

it.

April Snow 30:48

And you'll notice as you read the book that there are a handful of mentions about my grandmother. So, yeah, definitely a big influence there. You know, growing up, my childhood, I had a lot of challenges, but I was very blessed in the grandparent department, and that really was an anchor that kept me afloat throughout my life. It was those bright spots that I held on to. And so I'm lucky to have a special connection with both of my grandmothers, my paternal grandmother, and my maternal grandmother. And you'll see nods to both of them in the book, although I don't differentiate. But most of the stories and all the quotes are from my maternal grandmother, who's still here with me, thankfully, and will get to see this book, which is really meaningful to me because she's a big reader, loves going to the library, instilled that curiosity in me. I only saw her once or twice a year growing up, but she would always bring me books and it was my favorite gift. I would remember just like looking at them and stacking them up, and then I would dive into reading on the couch, you know, for a full day or a full weekend. And it was, it just was really meaningful to me. I felt really seen because we both shared that love and she made sure I had books around. And then as I became an adult, we were able to get closer, going on trips together. And I lived with her for a year before I started grad school. And then once I moved to California, we would exchange letters and she would send these big brown envelopes that would be full of just personalized clippings from magazines and newspapers that she knew I would like, which was just, I just love that so much. I felt really loved and cared for and like we spoke the same language. So it was really meaningful. And I wanted to honor her in the book because she always has these little sayings that my uncle and me and my other family members, we will always say them to each other just to keep her front of mind. She's got a lot of wisdom there. So wanted to see her show up in the book, share her with you. So once the book leaves the bookstore or gets checked out of the library or arrives on a doorstep, it will go to readers, of course, but hopefully also some highly sensitive therapists or practitioners who can support their clients in understanding this about themselves and taking the work deeper. So one person who I talked with regularly throughout my book writing process is my friend Megan Meganson, who's a fellow licensed highly sensitive therapist and also a business mentor. So let's hear her question.

Sustainable Ambition For Highly Sensitive People

Maegan Megginson 33:17

I've known that I am a highly sensitive person for over a decade. And over the last 10 years, I've been really surprised at how few new things come into circulation for highly sensitive people. The books that are available, the resources that we have access to, I have a hard time really seeing myself in the stories and the literature that is out there right now. April consistently brings something new and fresh into my life. And when she told me that she wanted to write a book called Big Feelings, Big Joy, I knew immediately that it was going to be a game changer. Not just for people who know they're highly sensitive and are looking to take their journey to the next level, but also for people who are just now discovering that they are highly sensitive. And if you're brand new to this conversation of what it means to be highly sensitive, this book is going to give you a roadmap that is going to just lay it all out for you step by step, so digestible, so approachable, so full of love and intention. April, as a highly sensitive person, the publication of this book is really a big deal. And often as highly sensitive people, we hold ourselves back from ambition because we are worried it will overwhelm us. But you've done it sustainably. You've done it in such a big-hearted way. And I want to know how did you manage to do this as an HSP yourself?

April Snow 34:53

We can hold ourselves back as HSPs, especially if we have this memory of being overwhelmed, being burned out, or being pushed past our limits in the past. Often we've spent decades, sometimes six or seven decades even, not realizing that we're highly sensitive and therefore not living in alignment with our needs. So we assume that this feeling of being overloaded, overburdened, constantly exhausted, stuck in overthinking is our default, that this is how we are. This is the whole experience of being a highly sensitive person. And it's just not. When we can start to make some of the changes that I talk about in the book, you know, slowing down to get more rest and to care for ourselves the way that we care for others, to make know our default answer. When we can start to show up differently in all aspects of our lives, we actually get to feel some relief of that burden. And more space opens up, more mental capacity for making decisions, for being creative, more capacity to connect and trust our intuition, more trust in ourselves in general. And we have more emotional capacity to stretch ourselves, to try new things, to put ourselves in new environments and take more risks. Now, are we going to show up exactly as a non-HSP would? No, most likely not. We will probably do things a little bit slower with a little bit more intention and really make sure we're getting it right the first time. But it is possible for us to pursue these bigger projects and have ambition and have big dreams for ourselves and ultimately do work that's really meaningful and impactful because that's what this book is really about. It's creating a resource that I personally benefit from, but also that the HSPs out in the world can benefit from and use it as a guide and an anchor as they're making changes in their own life and as a reminder that they're not alone. So this, you know, publishing a book, especially with a major publisher, it's a big feat. It starts years before you even think about the book itself, you know, doing a lot of self-reflection on this book. And it was a reminder that one thing leads to the next, that nothing is an accident, that, you know, as you go through your life, you're just building experience upon experience. So, you know, first I got licensed as a therapist and then started reading research on sensitivity and learning about the trait. Blessed to have Dr. Elaine Aaron close by in my vicinity. So I could attend workshops and retreats, eventually teaching at her retreats. And she was the keynote at one of my therapist retreats. So I got to steep myself in sensitivity in a way that others wouldn't be able to. And then I slowly started getting more comfortable writing, starting with a blog and eventually writing a workbook and then another workbook and showing up online and social media and doing podcast interviews and eventually creating my own podcast, this one that you're listening to, and you know, finding my voice. I struggled a lot in my younger years because of the environment I grew up with to feel confident in my voice and to know I had something valuable to say. And this book helped me realize that, oh, I do have something to say. You know, I have a lot of experience in this space and I've been supporting clients for a long time. And I've done a lot of introspective work in my own therapy and a lot of reading and assimilating the research. And okay, I'm finally comfortable to take up a little bit more space and to say, you know, this project that's so meaningful to me, this book, which I've poured all of my work and life into, those experiences into, could potentially help someone else. So that feels really and really meaningful to me, and hopefully it will leave a positive impact on our community. Next, we're gonna hear a snippet from Brian Torres, who's a fellow highly sensitive therapist and someone I met back in 2017 or 18, somewhere around that time, at one of Dr. Elaine Aaron's retreats in Santa Cruz. And we've since stayed in touch, become friends because we both have a similar passion for spreading accurate information about the trait and making sure that we're both carrying the torch for HSPs. So let's hear Brian's question.

Big Joy And Differential Susceptibility

Brian Torres 39:29

From like having known each other for a while now, and I really guess you're getting excited. You're writing a book because I can tell what's important to you, and it's stuff that I find important in the highly sensitive person conversation. I'm so glad that you're kind of pulling it all together in a really substantial way. So it's just really exciting to kind of be like, oh, this is such a like, such a good book. Knowing a lot of the literature and sort of resources or the conversations around being highly sensitive, that can be seen as such like a negative thing sometimes. And I really love that from the get-go, like even in the title, right? Big feelings, big joy, that's such a big piece that you're at least my takeaway was that you're really highlighting the capacity for HSPs to feel the positive, to experience joy. And I was curious if that was something that was intentional or why was that important to you to highlight?

April Snow 40:21

Yeah, I mean, we hear so much about the negative, difficult experiences of HSPs. If you're on any online forum on social media, even in in-person events or communities, it's very negative forward. It makes sense because we feel our feelings more intensely. So we're gonna feel the negative more intensely, but we don't talk enough about how we experience like joy and positivity and excitement and awe and meaning more intensely. So big feelings, big joy is a nod to differential susceptibility.

Brian Torres 40:51

I appreciate you naming that.

April Snow 40:54

So just I wanted to get in there right from the start because it's my favorite part of being a highly sensitive person. You'll actually hear more from my conversation with Brian in next week's episode, where Brian joins us to ask me some questions about the theme in the book, including how highly sensitive people can tap into our positive experiences to protect us against stress, the differences between overstimulation and overwhelm, and why daydreaming is an essential part of downtime for us as HSPs. You'll also hear more about differential susceptibility, our capacity to feel the negative and the good more than other people. So I'm looking forward to sharing that with you.

How To Get The Book

April Snow 41:38

Thanks so much for joining me for today's special episode. I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit more about the process of publishing Big Feelings Big Joy, maybe even feel inspired to pursue a project of your own, and giving yourself permission to take your time along the way. And if you're feeling excited about Big Feelings Big Joy and you want to get your own copy, you can find it anywhere you get your books or head to bigfeelingsbigjoy.com. The link is also in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the Sensitive Stories Podcast so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated. Check out the show notes or head to sensitivestories.com to find all the resources and the transcript from today's episode. Thanks for listening.